My Apologies

 

Sorry I’m not perfect

Sorry I’m not a size zero

Sorry I think my curves are sexy.

Sorry I don’t give a shit what you think.

Sorry I don’t listen to everything you say.

Sorry I’m not a diva

Sorry I just know what I want

Sorry I go for my goals and dreams

Sorry I’m not a virgin

Sorry I’m not a slut

Sorry I don’t follow your rules

Sorry I think girls can be pimps too

Sorry you can’t break me.

Sorry I won’t let you break me

Sorry I think for myself

Sorry I’m a dreamer and headstrong

Sorry I keep pushin’ on.

 

My Apologies to Hollywood.

Life is never in my favor, is it?

Is there some rule, some unwritten law

That prevents life to throw me a fuckin

Line once in a while?

My God, I finally get the person I have

Dreamt of since I was twelve years old

And I thought he was being an ass

To put me through this mess.

First he wants me, then he says

He has to deicide who he wants me

Or his ex, then I hear nothing and I

Am left to assume he has decided to

Be with her. I curse his name out loud

And break down on the inside. I try,

I try so hard to hate him. But instead

I keep running to the door at every

Knock thinking it’s him, I rush to my

Computer to see if he messaged me,

I pray silently that he will come back

To me, that he will see how much I

Care and come to me. Every where

I go I image him being there. And now

When I can’t get him out of my head

Enough, I find out his ex, the other

Girl in his life, is having his child.

Life blows right now. What is this?

Why can’t life be easy? Why couldn’t

It just stick to the fairly tales from my

Childhood stories? Girl meets Guy,

Fire works, love, hearts explode

With passion and desire for the other.

And the only problem is usually an evil

Step mother. Which I have but she won’t

Care about this. Why does life and love

Have to so hard? Why does falling

Hurt soo much. And why can’t I get him

Out of my head. I close me eyes to

Sleep and he is there. He is everywhere

Especially since I can see “there” house

From my front porch. I have to plan

Trips outside, like reading in the yard

Or going to the store around whether

He is at work yet or not, because I’m

Afraid to see him. I want to so badly,

But I’m afraid it will hurt. I’m afraid

That pain will be too much and I

Would breakdown right there in

Front of him. And I don’t do that.

I can’t. Everyone believes I’m strong

Everyone believes I’m cold and

Stone. They don’t know about the

Child yet I image. But they think

Of him as an ass and say things

Like, “He doesn’t know what he

Is missing” but now, now I question

Myself AGAIN, and I hate that.

Now I wonder if he truly wants

To be with her or if he is just

Being responsible. If so, I respect

That. I understand stepping up

And taking care of what you’ve

Created. But Damn it. Do I

Wish it wasn’t happening.

I wish things weren’t like this

I wish I could change how I felt.

I wish I could hate him. Be as

Angry with him as I say I am.

I wish I could sleep without

Dreaming of him. I wish I wasn’t

Always thinking about him.

I wish I didn’t believe he was

My soul mate found at the age

Of twelve. I hate this. Life and

Love both suck majorlly. And

Will both have to work extremely

Hard to make up for this.

They will have to prove to me

That love, true love. Pure, honest

Love is still alive and that life,

Life is beautiful. Because right now

LIFE BLOWS.

 

Your fingertips across my skin,

the palm trees swaying in the wind

images

You sang me spanish lullabies,

the sweetest sadness in your eyes

clever trick

 

I'd never want to see you unhappy,

I thought you'd want the same for me

 

Chorus:

Goodbye my almost lover

Goodbye my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should have known you'd bring me heartache,

almost lovers always do

 

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

images

And when you left you kissed my lips

you told me you would never

ever forget these images, no

 

I'd never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

 

Chorus

 

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

without you on my mind

So you're gone and i'm haunted

and i'll bet you are just fine,

Did i make it that easy

to walk right in and out

of my life?

 

Chorus

 

So when I sign on to my facebook account they ask what i'm up too. Usually it says, "Becca is....." Sometimes I put bored, other times its =) or something silly. But today...Today I went all out. I put in lyrics.

So today, Becca is...In the Misery Business


=) great huh?

hahaha
 For those who don't know what i'm talking about. Paramore has this great song called Misery Business.
You should hear it.

"Misery Business"

I'm in the business of misery,
Let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass that's ticking like a clock.
It's a matter of time before we all run out,
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.

I waited eight long months,
She finally set him free.
I told him I can't lie he was the only one for me.
Two weeks and we had caught on fire,
She's got it out for me,
But I wear the biggest smile.

[Chorus:]
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But, I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But god does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.

Cause god it just feels so...
It just feels so good.

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passing up, now look this way.
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But, I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But god does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him right now.
And if you could then you know you would.

Cause god it just feels so...
It just feels so good.

I watched his wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving.

Whoa, I never meant to brag,
But I got him where I want him now.

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But god does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.

Cause god it just feels so...
It just feels so good.

Hey everyone

Well if you have read some of what I wrote and listen to the songs I posted then you probably can tell, I’m not having the best day/week/month…life. I have been fighting with people I never thought I would fight with and I never want to again. I don’t think I even want to fight now, but I am fighting with my Best friend. Harsh? I know! Sad? Extremely. But to help those who don’t know what is going on. If there was a way to dump your best friend. This is it. The “I have grown a lot lately and it seems we are going in different roads now. And plus I want to start getting away from the drama of high school and you carry a lot of drama with you. “So yeah my best friend kinda dumped me. We weren’t dating but you get the idea. I just made a lot of stupid mistakes and pretty much they were just sick of fixing things. Which I understand what they are saying. My life is crazy. If I could I would leave the drama at the door and just party with friends and then forget to pick it up when I leave. But I can’t. Yes my mom is crazy. Yes I don’t get along with my step mom. Yes, I have two jobs and go to college full time. Yes, I’m insane and very sensitive. I wish I could change some if not all of these weird and crazy things that always have problems involved, but I can’t. I’m sorry. I just don’t know how. But I understand they want to break apart from me because it’s a lot to handle. I just wish it didn’t have to happen when I was already upset. But hey, life’s a bitch right?

 

So yeah life has sucked for me lately. With the exception of a few good days, the last four weeks have sucked. But I will fix that. I have started to or I’m at least trying to distance myself from the drama in my own life. When my mom starts to talk about her problems, I walk away. (( if you don’t know my mom…she tells me everything that is going on…she is worse then a 13 yr. old sometimes and other times she tells me all the problems we are having with bills and even when she is having problems with her boyfriend. Most stuff I shouldn’t have to hear and I never really want to hear any of it but whatever )) When friends call me I still answer I am just not dwelling on it so that it becomes my problem which I do a lot. So I’m trying to strip myself of the drama as well. I figure it isn’t enough to make someone who I have known for years wanna leave. There must be a lot. Haha but I’m trying to do that and also I’m going away. I’m taking a mental help week and going out of town. I’m going to my aunts in the backwoods of PA. It’s about 3 hours away from everyone and there problems and although I will miss my fam and friends. I am so looking forward to this. Horseback riding and 4wheelers. It will be nice.

 

So now that I have blurted out everything.

Its time for music.

 

 

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost

It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

 

I see my vision burn

I feel my memories fade with time

But I'm too young to worry

These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past

 

I found you here, now please just stay for a while

I can move on with you around

I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?

I'd do anything for a smile, holding you till our time is done

We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you

 

I see my vision burn

I feel my memories fade with time

But I'm too young to worry

A melody, a memory, or just one picture

 

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost

It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

 

Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in

No longer needed here so where do we go?

Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?

But girl, what if there is no eternal life?

 

I see my vision burn

I feel my memories fade with time

But I'm too young to worry

A melody, a memory, or just one picture

 

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost

Its empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Trails in life, questions of us existing here

Don't wanna die alone without you here

Please tell me what we have is real

 

So what if I never hold you near? Or kiss your lips again?

So I never want to leave you and the memories of us to see

I beg don't leave me

 

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost

It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here

Don't wanna die alone without you there

Please tell me what we have is real

 

Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day

Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day

(Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day)

I stand here alone

Falling away from you, no chance to get back home